THE MAN I USED TO BE
What happen to them an I use to be? I use to be a happy go lucky. I was the person that would go out of my way to make everyone smile. No matter what I would put in what effort was required to brighten everyone's day. I was always a glass half full kind of person and if you felt otherwise I would make sure to point out every reason why things would be better.
What happen to the man I use to be. No matter what was going on in my life I always had time and energy for my family. I would put off things that I wanted or needed to do to do things with my boys. If that meant I had to stay up late or get up early I would do it to spend time with my family. I would do what was necessary to give my family the time it needed.
What happen to the man I use to be? I could make time to work, go to college, cook, clean, for what ever needed to be done. I would burn the candle from both ends and keep on trucking. I was almost always able to find the time and energy to get done what needed to be done.
What happened to the man I use to be? I could do things that I wanted to do. If I wanted to take time out of my day to play a video game, I did it. If I wanted to take time out of my day to play a boar game, I did it. If I wanted to take time out of my day to go for a walk with my wife, I did it. If I wanted to make something fancy for all to eat, I did it.
What happened to the man I use to be? In my opinion, I was a good father, a good husband, a good person, I lived my life the way I hoped my boys would live there. Like everyone I made mistakes, but I learned from them, grew as a person and kept on trucking. Not only did I teach my boys with words, but with my actions. I showed them how a good man should act. Flawed yes, but always growing and always caring.
The man I have become is a shell of the man I used to be. I no longer have the energy to do anything. I can no longer help clean the house because I fear I am going to fall. I can no longer play video games because I can not stay awake. I can no longer play board games because I can not stay awake. I no longer try to make people smile, because most days it is all I can do to not break down myself.
The man I am today, could not hold a candle to the man I use to be. I can no longer lead by example because the only example I can give now is to be tired, wobbly, to need assistance with simple things. This man is capable of working out and pretty much nothing else. Anything else I require assistance with or it is probably not safe for me to do it.
What happened to the man I used to be? One word, NARCOLEPSY! When I first heard that word, there was some hope. My doctor knew what was going wrong with me and he knew how to help me. That hope has lead to despair, that one word is making me a shell of my former self. I can no longer trust what I hear, see, feel because I might be hallucinating. I shy away from having conversation with others because I embarrass myself when I can not remember my words. My bad memory has become horrible at best. Daily I forget coworkers names as I am speaking to them. I can not help my family with daily chores because I can not stay awake and I am certain I am going to fall and hurt myself. I spend every moment with my family doing just a couple things, working out, stumbling around like a drunk person, fighting the urge to sleep, FIGHTING that one word!
The man I have become is losing the constant battle. He has less will to fight everyday, yet he puts every ounce of his being into that fight every movement. He will never give in but his fear is that one day that will not be his choice! He fears that one day Narcolepsy will win and he will do nothing but sleep, never having the energy to get out of bed, and not having the will to keep fighting. His biggest fear is that his memory will completely leave him and he will forget his family. His family is everything and he is already losing his memories!
What happened to the man I used to be? NARCOLEPSY!
What happen to the man I use to be. No matter what was going on in my life I always had time and energy for my family. I would put off things that I wanted or needed to do to do things with my boys. If that meant I had to stay up late or get up early I would do it to spend time with my family. I would do what was necessary to give my family the time it needed.
What happen to the man I use to be? I could make time to work, go to college, cook, clean, for what ever needed to be done. I would burn the candle from both ends and keep on trucking. I was almost always able to find the time and energy to get done what needed to be done.
What happened to the man I use to be? I could do things that I wanted to do. If I wanted to take time out of my day to play a video game, I did it. If I wanted to take time out of my day to play a boar game, I did it. If I wanted to take time out of my day to go for a walk with my wife, I did it. If I wanted to make something fancy for all to eat, I did it.
What happened to the man I use to be? In my opinion, I was a good father, a good husband, a good person, I lived my life the way I hoped my boys would live there. Like everyone I made mistakes, but I learned from them, grew as a person and kept on trucking. Not only did I teach my boys with words, but with my actions. I showed them how a good man should act. Flawed yes, but always growing and always caring.
The man I have become is a shell of the man I used to be. I no longer have the energy to do anything. I can no longer help clean the house because I fear I am going to fall. I can no longer play video games because I can not stay awake. I can no longer play board games because I can not stay awake. I no longer try to make people smile, because most days it is all I can do to not break down myself.
The man I am today, could not hold a candle to the man I use to be. I can no longer lead by example because the only example I can give now is to be tired, wobbly, to need assistance with simple things. This man is capable of working out and pretty much nothing else. Anything else I require assistance with or it is probably not safe for me to do it.
What happened to the man I used to be? One word, NARCOLEPSY! When I first heard that word, there was some hope. My doctor knew what was going wrong with me and he knew how to help me. That hope has lead to despair, that one word is making me a shell of my former self. I can no longer trust what I hear, see, feel because I might be hallucinating. I shy away from having conversation with others because I embarrass myself when I can not remember my words. My bad memory has become horrible at best. Daily I forget coworkers names as I am speaking to them. I can not help my family with daily chores because I can not stay awake and I am certain I am going to fall and hurt myself. I spend every moment with my family doing just a couple things, working out, stumbling around like a drunk person, fighting the urge to sleep, FIGHTING that one word!
The man I have become is losing the constant battle. He has less will to fight everyday, yet he puts every ounce of his being into that fight every movement. He will never give in but his fear is that one day that will not be his choice! He fears that one day Narcolepsy will win and he will do nothing but sleep, never having the energy to get out of bed, and not having the will to keep fighting. His biggest fear is that his memory will completely leave him and he will forget his family. His family is everything and he is already losing his memories!
What happened to the man I used to be? NARCOLEPSY!